I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dignity is for republicans.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
