I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
