I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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