I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
