I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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