I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
