her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
