last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
