the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
