Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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