i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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