Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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