stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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