Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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