After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
