capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
