Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize