You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
