Can i not drive my cunt home
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
