Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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