Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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