Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
