my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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