is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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