By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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