So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
