I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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