Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
