I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
