how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
