i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
