My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
