I just threw up on my dentist
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will pee on everything he values.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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