FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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