something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
