now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
