Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
