2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I looked at my own cervix.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
