walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
