I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
