im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
