today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
