I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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