I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
