WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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