If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize