it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
