I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize