I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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