don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
