Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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