My first STD was from a foam party
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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