he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
