had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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