you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize