oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
