he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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