she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
