We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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