It's Friday. Sex?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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