Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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