wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
