What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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