I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
