Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
