Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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