Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
