i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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