Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
