Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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