I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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