I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
