wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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